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Cluck defiance
I was looking through the stats and I’m proud to say that someone reached this site by searching the term “chicken raping.” And bonus points for anyone who knows what joke the title is a reference to....
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What I’m doing when I’m not on Red Eye
People have been asking me when I’m going to be on Red Eye next—the answer is April 15—which then begs the question of what I’ll be doing until then. I cannot lie to you: I’ve decided to have some work...
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Sometimes I get all deep and stuff
I have oodles of free time. So much that I hardly have a moment to myself. It’s always jet skiing and flower pressing and foreign language classes. I nearly whacked my head this morning on an...
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I’d make a shitty chicken
A wise chicken doesn’t cackle until she lays an egg or something, but that’s not my style and plus if I were a chicken I’d much rather be the kind that plays piano. Probably something light, like...
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Trader Joe’s leaves me holding the bag
Ho, ho! Get it? Get my clever headline? It’s not that clever. Anyway. Why is it that these taste better than eggs I make myself? Is it because they’re “hard cooked,” which sounds elegant and...
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In need of a resolution?
Happy New Year everyone! Today is January 1st but my calendar still says December because my sister who is a lawyer didn’t take the time to make Tobey calendars for all of us this year. What a bitch,...
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